This stuff makes meth look like children’s cough syrup. And not even Tussin makes me feel so good.
I’m talking ’bout the ice pops. The frozen tube of goodness. And not that fancy shit, neither. This is the stuff you can get for a dime apiece in big fish-net bundles at wal-mart.
Normally I would stay the hell away from anything that cheap and stuffed into fishnets.
It started out casually, I just picked up one bag when I had gone in to get some shaving cream. Why did they have to put them right in front of the self checkout line? They know what will happen!
I thought they would last me all summer. I told myself they were only for special occasions. Only if I cleaned my plate, did my chores, and exercised. But I started making little excuses to have another. And then I started having them even if I hadn’t done all my chores yet…
And then I started eating them two at a time. I was gorging myself on them so quickly I couldn’t even waste the time to go back to the freezer for another. Every time I went to Wal-mart I was getting more; terrified I would open the freezer and find out it was empty.
Wal-mart has made me an ice whore.
Just look at those luscious colors…
I tried to enter a twelve step program but, unfortunately, when I started, I was only eleven steps away from my freezer and I never had a chance to finish.
How lucky am I that I already had my screening test? My urine would be a bright purple if they wanted to test me now.
Just because you got the monkey off your back don’t mean the circus has left town. —George Carlin