07 August, 2008


I am seriously broke right now. The move took all of my savings, and I am down to only about $300 to my name. And I still have a few bills to pay. And Angelina needs her next round of vaccinations.
I also need to have enough gas to drive to work for two weeks before I get my first paycheck. Goddess help me if the car picks this time to quit on me. If I can just get a few more months out of it I will be golden.
I need to figure out what outfits I have that are fitting me currently that are suitable to wear to work. I should have enough stuff to last me til get paid and can update my wardrobe. I have a few really dressy business casual outfits I can wear the first few days and I have two or three pairs of Docker’s and some short sleeve button downs; a few polos. Hopefully I can get ten outfits out of everything I’ve got without too much repetition.
I was planning on going shopping before work started so I had some new stuff that fit the shape I am in now, but the security deposit that should have gotten here last week ($300) has yet to arrive.
I don’t mind being poor, I just don’t like it when there is stuff I need to do and I am not sure I will have the cash on hand to accomplish it.
I am stressing out, a little bit. I feel isolated and alone, and it kind of sucks. No, it sucks a lot. I don’t want to turn in to that creepy cat dude that lives upstairs.
I have met some people down here but I haven’t done anything with anyone at all. I don’t think the drum circles count, because that is just a community thing. It is no more social than going to eat at Denny’s when it is crowded.
I guess I am stressing out a lot.
My mental state makes the money situation more of a burden than it really is. I will have enough to cover all the current expenses. I just have nothing to fall back on.
I live too much of my life with nothing and no one to fall back on. I have good balance, working without a net, but it makes me tired.
Sometimes I want to to belong so bad I can’t breathe.
hidden hit counterMarge: Oh, this is the worst thing you’ve ever done.
Homer: You say that so much it’s lost its meaning.
–The Simpsons
I keep a journal of memories
I’m feeling lonely, I can’t breathe
I fall to pieces, I’m falling
Fell to pieces and I’m still falling
All the years I’ve tried
With more to go
Will the memories die
I’m waiting

Fall to Pieces, Velvet Revolver

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