07 August, 2008

Kigiin

I am seriously broke right now. The move took all of my savings, and I am down to only about $300 to my name. And I still have a few bills to pay. And Angelina needs her next round of vaccinations.
I also need to have enough gas to drive to work for two weeks before I get my first paycheck. Goddess help me if the car picks this time to quit on me. If I can just get a few more months out of it I will be golden.
I need to figure out what outfits I have that are fitting me currently that are suitable to wear to work. I should have enough stuff to last me til get paid and can update my wardrobe. I have a few really dressy business casual outfits I can wear the first few days and I have two or three pairs of Docker’s and some short sleeve button downs; a few polos. Hopefully I can get ten outfits out of everything I’ve got without too much repetition.
I was planning on going shopping before work started so I had some new stuff that fit the shape I am in now, but the security deposit that should have gotten here last week ($300) has yet to arrive.
I don’t mind being poor, I just don’t like it when there is stuff I need to do and I am not sure I will have the cash on hand to accomplish it.
I am stressing out, a little bit. I feel isolated and alone, and it kind of sucks. No, it sucks a lot. I don’t want to turn in to that creepy cat dude that lives upstairs.
I have met some people down here but I haven’t done anything with anyone at all. I don’t think the drum circles count, because that is just a community thing. It is no more social than going to eat at Denny’s when it is crowded.
I guess I am stressing out a lot.
My mental state makes the money situation more of a burden than it really is. I will have enough to cover all the current expenses. I just have nothing to fall back on.
I live too much of my life with nothing and no one to fall back on. I have good balance, working without a net, but it makes me tired.
Sometimes I want to to belong so bad I can’t breathe.
Namasté,
Sisyphus
hidden hit counterMarge: Oh, this is the worst thing you’ve ever done.
Homer: You say that so much it’s lost its meaning.
–The Simpsons
I keep a journal of memories
I’m feeling lonely, I can’t breathe
I fall to pieces, I’m falling
Fell to pieces and I’m still falling
—-
All the years I’ve tried
With more to go
Will the memories die
I’m waiting

Fall to Pieces, Velvet Revolver

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