18 June, 2008

Quote of the day

 “When does CPR become necrophilia?” Doug, Weeds
The second season of Weeds has even better dialogue than the first season.
Here Uncle Andy explains masturbation techniques to Shane. It is brilliant.
Andy: All right, listen closely, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. HAHAHAHAHA! 
[Shane stares blankly] 
Andy: Your little body's changing, and it's all good, believe me. Problem now is every time we jerk the gherkin, we end up with a lot of unwanted, sticky white stuff everywhere, right? Right. So, first order of business: no more socks. They're expensive... gumming up the works, plumbing-wise. Now you might be thinking to yourself, 'But Uncle Andy, what do I do with all that pearl jam if I can't spew it into Mr. Sock?' Glad you asked. You can have a lovely time tuggin' the tiger in the shower each morning. That eliminates the need for a goo glove. But the day is long, masturbation's fun... so unless we wanna take four or five showers every day, we're gonna need some other options here. So let's start with the basics. Tissues: perfectly acceptable backstop for all that Creamy Italian. They can be rough and dry on such soft, sensitive skin, not to mention they can stick to your dick head like a f***in' Band-Aid. Ouch. From there we move on to more lubricated flak-catchers. Specifically bananas. Step one, peel the banana. Step two, slip the peel over your Randy Johnson and start pitching. Now for extra credit, warm up the peel in the microwave - not TOO hot... serious yowza. Also olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner and Vaseline can all be used for lube. In my opinion the best lube... is lube. So save your allowance... invest in some soon. All right, moving on... when you tug your Thomas on the toilet, [spitting sound] shoot right into the bowl. In bed, soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own that you don't mind tossing after tossing. There's no such thing as polishing the Raised Sceptre of Love too much. It reduces stress, it enhances immune function... also, practice makes perfect. So work on your control now while you're a solo artist, you'll be playing some long, happy duets in the future. All right, class dismissed
I ♥ shows that are dialogue driven. That is one of the reasons I loved Lions for Lambs so much. I think that some people are turned off of shows that rely more on dialogue than action, but it is my favorite.
A picture may indeed be worth a thousand words but I would still rather have the words.
I am almost all done packing; I picked up a couple stacks of newspapers from the school newspaper editor the other day to wrap the rest of my dishes. I thought that was pretty nice of him to share.
I just cannot get my strumming technique down pat. I think it must be something wrong with the way I am holding the pick. I would be able to ask my little brother, when he gets here, to show me except for the fact that he does not use a pick. I want to be able to use the pick.
I am already able to play a few tunes using individual strings, and so I am just going to have to learn how to strum with a pick. I like being able to play melody, not just chords. I am working on playing Ride of the Valkyries since I learned how to read that sheet music when I programmed it into a microcontroller for a school project last year.
I wonder if my Bro knows how to play duelling banjos? That would be fun. I wish I could learn some of the things he knows. He is a blues harp player, but he plays folk guitar. I want to be able to play folk guitar for when I am at drum circles and get tired of drumming (what?) but I want to be able to play rock guitar.
Hey There, Delilah is a great song. Interesting name for a band, also.
I am learning Python, now. It is a programming language that is simpler than C++ but more powerful than java [I am not sure if it can leap tall buildings]. There are some things I would like to make my desktop do that I would need to write a script for, so I will learn Python now in order to exert more control over my computer.
I have ways of making it talk.
I am at Panera, taking advantage of unlimited coffee. It also lets me watch people. I like watching people. Except when they are really really loud, and then I still don’t mind watching them, I just wish I couldn’t hear them. I wish I had to use a hearing aid so I could turn it off like Grandpa used to when he got tired of Grandma bitching all the time. Just smile and nod.
17 days til the move. Holy shit.
PS: I finally figured out how to turn off tapping on my touchpad; it was driving me crazy and the GUI config editor for the synaptics touchpad wouldn’t load in Linux. But I figured out the command necessary to edit my x11org.conf file so now I no longer type a whole paragraph just to find I had accidentally tapped the friggin touchpad and typed it all into the address bar. Sweet.

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