30 January, 2004

Thoughts on conscientious objection

Recently I had written a letter to Sammy Davis, an alumni from my recent battery.
Today, I got a response.
I can not put into words what this response meant. Yeah, I know, could have been a phantom auto-response; but then again, maybe not. I have no reason not to believe it was Sammy.
Sammy Davis is a holder of the Medal of Honor; his citation would be too long to post here, but I will post it to my web site under the war stories section, as well as the war wounds section, perhaps. It would go in both sections because Sammy fought in Nam, and he is, of course, a strong supporter of MIA activities.
Yes, I do like to make multiple and consecutive entries. It is because I write in phases, and when I write, I write a lot. The restriction to 7500 characters is not to limiting, except when I am in the mood to write. I used to train soldiers every day. It was my life. I am looking for a way to continue that, the training soldiers part, as well as to expand into other areas.
I asked for consideration as a CO, with 1A status, which means they could have used me in a training capacity. I had realized I cannot murder; and my sense of Duty was in conflict with my sense of Integrity. They turned me down, because I said I would defend my country in the event of an invasion. My Sergeant Major had asked me what my actions would be if the request was denied. I was advised to not apply, because it would ruin my career, even if it was denied. (It was my Soul I was talking about, so I didn’t give a damn about my career. Ever have to kill someone that didn’t need to be killed? And you knew it?) I told him I would still be the balls-to-the-wall NCO I had always been. I never considered that they would deny me.
Not only did the fuckers deny me, they acted like I was trying to use my knowledge of the regulations to swindle them. Hell and damnation, I figured, ain’t this just a peach. Here I am, trying to be Honorable, because I know the importance of being committed to my task, and they insult my Integrity. But, smile when it rains, right?
So, I went balls to the wall. Made a good run of it; check out my web site if I ever get it done, I will restrict my bragging to there; because it would take too much space here to list all my accomplishments in the last year of my career. Ok, maybe a little bragging…
Anyway, I went nuts. Diagnosed with PTSD, Acute Depression Syndrome, and Anxiety without Psychotic Episodes. They put me out to pasture. But my unit went to war soon after my breakdown. I feel like I let them down, and a lot of it is because I kicked such major ass in my 13 months as platoon sergeant.
I don’t know if Sammy remembers me from the desert, when he gave me that coin. I remember him, though. And am proud as hell he still considers me a Brother. Now if I can figure out a way to get all this information I have collected over the years to the troops that need it…
Maybe I will write a book.

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